Dear Church,
For a little over 3 years now your actions and teachings related to the Word have been ultimately destroying my life and I'm sure many lives of others like me... okay, let me explain.
I was raised mostly unchurched, by loving parents who were perfectly content with their lives. If I ever went to church, I slept, and it was okay. This worldly perspective that I grew up with allowed me to see the hypocrisy in the lives of the few churchgoing families I'd been exposed to. And as a younger teen, my goal was essentially to lead my life to the American dream--- I mean, it seemed like everyone was doing it and it was normal, so shouldn't I do the same? Well, this particular path I was planning to go down didn't take a detour for "church"... nor did I intend for or want it to. However, during my sophomore year of High School I found myself taking that unintended detour and sitting in a building surrounded by, for the most part, devout followers of Christ. Not long after, I became a believer in Christ but really had no idea what it was going to entail or what it really meant for my life. I knew there was a change of heart within me, but I didn't know what to do with it. Mainly because no one helped me much with understanding it, and for a long time I felt uncomfortable around fellow followers of Christ because I lacked biblical knowledge-- and honestly, still do sometimes. Thankfully God did some es-plainin on His own and through His word cause I didn't know much of anything and would have been doomed without Him :)
And then here I am now, 3 years and 9 months into my relationship with the Lord. And I think about how crazy it seems that at this very moment I am in Africa-- sitting across the table from two amazing people that I have been blessed to know who are living a radical and obedient life for the Lord. It's here I realize that I personally want this life-- very soon. I NEED to go to the ends of the earth to proclaim His name. Actually, I have been commanded to take the gospel to the nations, so I really have no excuse not to. Is this crazy? It sounds crazy when I read what I just typed. I have entrusted my entire life into the hands of a savior whom I cannot physically see... and I love it. Without Him my life just isn't right. It's like an addiction, and many of the people I know and love seem to constantly encourage this addiction of mine... probably because they have it to.
3 years ago I never anticipated even contemplating the idea of living a radical life, or any sort of life with the Lord. And honestly, even a little over a year ago I didn't consider that God may want to send me elsewhere. I guess I didn't consider that as a follower of Christ, God may want to actually use my hands and my feet to bring His word to other parts of the world. I wanted to live in America then-- with conveniences and all. Now, I absolutely do not. I have no desire to live where life is so abundant with materialistic things while all over the world people are dying of disease and desolation and without Christ. However, in the midst of the disease and desolation is where I want to be... because there is where I see Jesus most. And it's there I feel He wants me. I am still appauled by how much God has changed my life and leading me to do things that seem insane, even to me at times. But I would never, ever change it.
So, Church, you have very much been destroying my me-centered, American dream life-- especially in the past year.... and in place of it, feeding me the reality of Jesus Christ and what a life with Him actually entails. I cannot thank you enough for this. Without it I would be on my way to a very pseudo-Christian life. I pray that every believer in this world will realize, if they haven't already, that this life is nothing unless we are on mission for Him. There is nothing we should want more than to see those who are lost come to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
Amazing things happen when God's people come together to make His name known all over the world. It'll be a long, challenging process... because making disciples is not easy or convenient. It is hard, messy, and demanding all because it is relational. But oh... it is beautiful.
Love,
Kayla
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Someone worth losing everything for.
Sometimes I wonder why in the world I am here, in Niger, yet again. I could easily be in America where my family and friends are and where everything is convenient, but apparently God didn't want that for me this summer... and honestly, neither did I.
Okay, so last week I was taking a taxi and got this man (I think I mentioned this particular taxi ride in my previous blog post) who just apparently wanted to talk to me alot... but understanding him and being able to talk back wasn't working out so well. He was laughing at me for whatever reasons, and eventually I managed to figure out that he was trying to ask me where he was taking me. Though I had already told him before I got in his stinkin taxi... but he said (at the best of my understanding) "how can I take you somewhere if you don't even know where you're going." I started to get a bit frustrated because I knew where I needed to go and I knew he knew where I was going as well. Well we ended up taking this "explore all of Niger" detour before I actually ended up where I needed to be--- at CURE. I wasn't really aware at first that taxis frequently make detours when other passangers are in the general direction the taxi man is going, so everyone is basically just along for the ride-- wherever that may be. But to be honest, I kinda got a little nervous with this driver. I'm sure he wasn't trying to be a complete rude pants, but seriously. I mean everytime I get in one of these fun bumper cars of sorts I just hope they take me wherever I ask. I wouldn't have the slightest clue (or maybe a very slight clue) if they decided to take me somewhere else... unless I ended up in the bush of course... but I couldn't talk to them so I'd be a rather easy hostage.. haha!
I've been reading "Radical" by David Platt and WOW! I've read parts of it before but what an eyeopener it is. I have been so convicted by what God has been showing me through this book and my "safety" is one of those eye opening type of things. I know we've all been in a place where we pray for our safety as we travel, that we would be okay and get to and from where we need to go just safe and sound.I have done this so many times... and then I come to the realization that life is not safe and a life with Christ is not safe... I am not called to be safe and comfortable in this lost world, but rather to love and share Gods love to those of whom I come in contact with every single day. So, to me, that doesn't mean that the places I go and the things I may do here, or anywhere else in the world, are intended to be safe... because I am called to be His servant at ALL costs-- whatever that entails.That day in the taxi when I got a little bit uncomfortable made me realize God is in control of my time here in Niger and is with me even in the littlest of my situations. Not that I really understand why the God of the universe who's busy, ya know... running the entire world... would take time out for little ole me... but I am extremely grateful that He does :)
As I was reading radical yesterday I had to question myself "Is God something worth losing everything for?" And as easy of an answer that was for me, I wonder if my life shows the same as what my mouth says. At home, in the land of everything, I have much more than I need. And I wonder, would I seriously drop it all in a split second if God said "go"? I know I would when it is just for a summer (like now), but would I kiss it all good-bye if I was being lead somewhere else permanantly? I don't know... and sadly I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could with confidence say "yes I would have no problem being obedient"... but I think I'd be hesitant. As much as I hate that, it's the truth but I can't stand it. Now, I'm not saying God is calling me to go live in the African bush right now, but just the thought that one day he might kinda freaks me out. I guess it's because I'm here in Niger and I just kinda don't wanna leave... I love being here. After I left last year I missed it more than ever... more than I miss home while I'm here. But at the same time, as much as I love being here and don't want to leave I wonder how differently I'd feel if I didn't have a plane ticket sitting in my bag in my room right down the hall that confirms my arrival back to the states... hmm. I admire all the people who have taken up their cross and followed the Lord in complete obedience in order to serve Him here... they are all an inspiration in my life. And I pray that I would be freely open to everything that comes my way in hopes of bringing glory to Him through it. I hope that if a time comes in my life where God is calling me permanently to serve somewhere, I just go. It's alot easier said than done, but it is possible... obviously.
Anyways, I am loving my time here in Niger--- though it's not always easy to be here I wouldn't want to be anywhere else :) I just kinda word up-chucked on my blog to get out my recent thoughts. Maybe not a post that is put together as well as some but eh, it's a blog... so it's whatever :)
Okay, so last week I was taking a taxi and got this man (I think I mentioned this particular taxi ride in my previous blog post) who just apparently wanted to talk to me alot... but understanding him and being able to talk back wasn't working out so well. He was laughing at me for whatever reasons, and eventually I managed to figure out that he was trying to ask me where he was taking me. Though I had already told him before I got in his stinkin taxi... but he said (at the best of my understanding) "how can I take you somewhere if you don't even know where you're going." I started to get a bit frustrated because I knew where I needed to go and I knew he knew where I was going as well. Well we ended up taking this "explore all of Niger" detour before I actually ended up where I needed to be--- at CURE. I wasn't really aware at first that taxis frequently make detours when other passangers are in the general direction the taxi man is going, so everyone is basically just along for the ride-- wherever that may be. But to be honest, I kinda got a little nervous with this driver. I'm sure he wasn't trying to be a complete rude pants, but seriously. I mean everytime I get in one of these fun bumper cars of sorts I just hope they take me wherever I ask. I wouldn't have the slightest clue (or maybe a very slight clue) if they decided to take me somewhere else... unless I ended up in the bush of course... but I couldn't talk to them so I'd be a rather easy hostage.. haha!
I've been reading "Radical" by David Platt and WOW! I've read parts of it before but what an eyeopener it is. I have been so convicted by what God has been showing me through this book and my "safety" is one of those eye opening type of things. I know we've all been in a place where we pray for our safety as we travel, that we would be okay and get to and from where we need to go just safe and sound.I have done this so many times... and then I come to the realization that life is not safe and a life with Christ is not safe... I am not called to be safe and comfortable in this lost world, but rather to love and share Gods love to those of whom I come in contact with every single day. So, to me, that doesn't mean that the places I go and the things I may do here, or anywhere else in the world, are intended to be safe... because I am called to be His servant at ALL costs-- whatever that entails.That day in the taxi when I got a little bit uncomfortable made me realize God is in control of my time here in Niger and is with me even in the littlest of my situations. Not that I really understand why the God of the universe who's busy, ya know... running the entire world... would take time out for little ole me... but I am extremely grateful that He does :)
As I was reading radical yesterday I had to question myself "Is God something worth losing everything for?" And as easy of an answer that was for me, I wonder if my life shows the same as what my mouth says. At home, in the land of everything, I have much more than I need. And I wonder, would I seriously drop it all in a split second if God said "go"? I know I would when it is just for a summer (like now), but would I kiss it all good-bye if I was being lead somewhere else permanantly? I don't know... and sadly I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could with confidence say "yes I would have no problem being obedient"... but I think I'd be hesitant. As much as I hate that, it's the truth but I can't stand it. Now, I'm not saying God is calling me to go live in the African bush right now, but just the thought that one day he might kinda freaks me out. I guess it's because I'm here in Niger and I just kinda don't wanna leave... I love being here. After I left last year I missed it more than ever... more than I miss home while I'm here. But at the same time, as much as I love being here and don't want to leave I wonder how differently I'd feel if I didn't have a plane ticket sitting in my bag in my room right down the hall that confirms my arrival back to the states... hmm. I admire all the people who have taken up their cross and followed the Lord in complete obedience in order to serve Him here... they are all an inspiration in my life. And I pray that I would be freely open to everything that comes my way in hopes of bringing glory to Him through it. I hope that if a time comes in my life where God is calling me permanently to serve somewhere, I just go. It's alot easier said than done, but it is possible... obviously.
Anyways, I am loving my time here in Niger--- though it's not always easy to be here I wouldn't want to be anywhere else :) I just kinda word up-chucked on my blog to get out my recent thoughts. Maybe not a post that is put together as well as some but eh, it's a blog... so it's whatever :)
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