3 Days.

Try to imagine what life would be like living in a chair. How would it feel never being able to walk, or run, or play tag when you were a kid? Or how would it feel having to rely on someone else to do everything for you? Needing someone else for your every day activities like brushing your teeth or combing your hair.... At least we're just imagining this, right? Well, for one girl inparticular she doesn't have to imagine it. Because for her, it's a reality.

This past Tuesday I started my new job as a caretaker for a young woman, Alyssa. What I mentioned above was just a speck of how she lives her life. You see, she has cerebral palsy... which ultimately means that her brain does not allow her body to function like ours generally would.

When I first applied for this job I was beyond nervous. I had no idea what I was getting myself into... basically had no idea what God was signing me up for. It was a huge God-ordained thing where I couldn't even begin to deny that it was something He had in plan for me to do. And I knew it wasn't gonna be easy, but I tried my best to go at it whole-heartedly.

I never once thought I would have to be a "mom" or a "wife" at my age. But, my job requires it. And, not just being a mom to a toddler or teen, but more like to a new born. The only difference really is that Alyssa can talk to me. But unlike a baby that will grow up to walk and do things on their own, Alyssa won't. I have to care for another human being the way that I would care for myself. I didn't think I would be prepared for that, but I guess God did.

Every morning when I walk into work Alyssa greets me with a big "Hello!". :) That's just the start to a great day! She has the biggest heart you could ever imagine and I love being around her bubbly spirit. She is just like us in every way! She eats Icecream every morning for breakfast, loves getting the mail, and watches ELLEN every afternoon after taking a nap. Her favorite color is blue, she loves to go shopping, and loves to email her friends and family. Above all of this, she loves the Lord. She never complains about her "situation", she just loves life. Though she's 26 and weighs about 70 pounds, she's a really strong girl, both inside and out.
My job is to care for her. Everything that I would generally do for myself on a daily basis, I have do it for her as well. I find myself always checking on her to see if she's okay, or asking if she needs anything.  I always tuck her in when I lay her down for a nap and tend to check on her every 15 minutes.  I guess that's just the "mom" instinct.

This job is one of the biggest blessings I have ever gotten! Alyssa has taught me so much already and I've only been there 3 days. Thursday I was sitting on the couch watching ELLEN with Lyss and God showed Himself in a big way. I realized that I needed to be as dependent on Him like how Lyss is dependent on me, and not only do I need to depend on Him like that, but I need to trust Him. Alyssa trusts me to care for her, trusts me to do everything for her and has no doubt or worry that I won't. She knows that I know what she needs. And I need, we all need, to have that kind of trust in the Lord. A trust to where we can say, "God, I know you know what I need, and I trust you to lead me wherever you may take me." Imagine how amazing our relationship with the Lord would be if we depended on Him like that all the time?! I'm don't always trust in Him like that, sometimes I doubt that things are gonna be okay because I don't depend on God like I should. But when I do, man, God does BIG things.

God chose... me?

"Dear God, I don't know where you're going to lead me today, but if it's where your going, it's where I'm going."

I find myself praying this prayer quite often. I really do want to go wherever God leads me, but, today, He led me somewhere to do something I didn't think I was quite ready to try and do. And, honestly, I became hesitant in His leading and almost flaked out.

Here's the deal. I have been job hunting since arrival in Denton (well, kinda... I've kinda been a slacker too). Anyways, I searched and searched for a nanny job on this CARE website for nannys and houskeepers and such. One of the very first I saw (about a month ago) was an attendant position for a 26 year old lady with cerebral palsy. Well, I just kinda skipped over it and proceeded to look at other things because, honestly, I didn't think I could do it. Not because I wasn't capable of it, but because I am too much of a softy for people who have to live a not so ordinary life. I feel so helpless, like I can't do a thing for them, and it breaks me. Long story short, I applied for about 35 other nanny positions and... got nothing.  Well, on Tuesday I was skimming though some more jobs and the same attendant position for the 26 yr old (Alyssa) popped up. This time, I looked at it, and hesitantly applied. I prayed that if this was something God would want me to do, that He would make it happen. I was leaving it all to Him.

Not an hour later I got a reply from the father saying that they'd like to meet me and talk about the position. So, I scheduled an interview for Thursday. (yesterday) Last night I got in my car and headed to my interview... scared crapless. I had a fight with God the whole way... "I can't do this! God, what if it's hard? What if I were to mess up? What if it's too much? What if...?" And God says "What if you'd just trust me?" Oh, well HELLO! So, I tried.

I walked up to the door and was welcomed by the lovely aroma of dinner, just a cookin. And their cat, Hamlet. :) I strolled into the kitchen and sat down...across the table from me sat a sweet, sweet young woman with a beautiful spirit and lovely smile. Though Alyssa didn't say anything, my heart just melted. Her parents began explaining... ALOT. I took all I could in... basically just inhaled it. One concern I had was the schedule, since I am in school. Alyssa has another attendant, Shelley, who is in school as well. They weren't sure of the days she would have classes, so that was something I was worried wouldn't work.

And then... God.

My classes are on Mondays and Wednesday... and well, they found out that day that Shelley will have her classes on Tuesday and Thursday. HELLO?! Could that be anymore of a God thing? I think not!
Oh, I can't forget to mention... This family has an undeniable passion for the Lord. :) I even got to share a little about my journey to Africa with them. I seem to share it alot. Heck, probably because I love and miss it so much!! Anyways, I cannot wait to work for them. Ya, that's correct... I got the job. :) This is going to be a hard journey, but God is leading it, so I am at ease. I think Alyssa is going to be more of a blessing to me than I will be to her.

I hope you'd join me in prayer as I prepare my heart for this. :)

Love in HIM!
Kayla