Gone so long.

Hey blog-- so, to my disappointment, I haven't written a single thing since July. My apologies. I could easily give excuses about being busy or whatever, but I won't bore any of you with that. :) 

I know the purpose of this here blog was to keep people updated on stories and such of my journeys in Africa this summer, and though it's been a while since I've been home I definitely haven't forgotten all the things I'd hoped to share. So, here goes one...

Just earlier today I was watching "The Blind Side" that I just got yesterday, on sale, during the madness of Black Friday. :) And as I cried and laughed and cried some more, I was reminded of very special day and one I will never forget this summer in the muddy streets of Niger. There are a lot of daily things I do here that remind me of "home" and make me really miss being there, but today was more than just a memory that made me laugh and move on, no, it was different. Now if you've never seen "The Blind Side"-- you need to. It's an incredible story about a young man who grew up in the midst of poverty in Tennessee and a caring family who took him under their wing, and into their home where he soon became their son. I was inspired by how much love this family showed without reserve, treating this young man just like he was theirs the very moment they met him. It kind of reminded me of my babies at home... in Niger. So many I just want to bring back here with me. It hurts me so much to see them when they hurt, when they don't have food or clean water, or when they don't have someone to just pick them up and tell them it will all be okay. I was always a little broken inside when these sweet children, God's children, would run up to me, jump for me to pick them up, or hold my hand while I walked down the street because they wanted affection they may have not often received. And I was even more broken inside when a day would come that I wasn't all too excited to have these little kids constantly grasping for me and pulling on my hand because I would selfishly get irritated that I could not go anywhere without a little boy or girl next to me. I would momentarily forget why I'd come all the way to Niger-- it wasn't for my selfish gain, but because I so much as loved the Lord and wanted to see these sweet children come to know Him and the love that He had for them. On one of those days that I had forgotten why I was there, but the Lord so graciously reminded me. 

One morning, similar to most other mornings, I dragged out of bed and got ready to go to CURE hospital. The only difference in this morning compared to the others was that it had rained the night before and I had to walk down the street a ways to get a taxi. Usually, mom (Shelley) would drop me off at a place that was easier to get a taxi, but kids were out of school so I was on my own with finding a taxi this time. :) Which meant that I had to walk through and try to dodge a few (and by a few, I actually mean a lot... everywhere) mud puddles. I did a pretty good job for a while until I finally slipped and my flip flop was hidden in the mud, and my foot and ankle were officially black. Cleaning it off was a lost cause since everything around me was sand, so I just trotted down the street some more while people pointed and giggled at the little white girl with the muddy foot. I wasn't the happiest camper, but I just tried to laugh with everyone else that found it kinda funny. Then I passed someones gate who took notice of my muddy foot and didn't just laugh. No, this gentleman instead motioned me to come here. Now, Kris and Shell had gone over "etiquette" and general cultural customs with me about what's okay to do and not do in regard to living/visiting Niger. Let's just say that going into a gate when a man asks you to "come here" wasn't on the okay to do list. I did it anyways. oops. 

Anyway, This sweet gentleman got a little plastic tea kettle of water, handed it to me and walked away. So, i tried cleaning my foot off. Until he brought a woman back with him who I was able to greet, but then our conversation ended 2 seconds later with "je ne parle pa beaucoup francais.. je suis desole" or "I don't speak much french... I'm sorry." What happened next just hit me hard... this lady I had just met yet couldn't speak to, looked at me, smiled, and bent down as she took the kettle of water from me and began to wash my foot. Selflessly. I just stood there as tears welled up in my eyes and I thought "I came here to love on these people, yet I'm standing here having my feet washed." And the Lord reminded me of John 13:14-17:

"Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." 

That very silent moment with that woman was one I will never, ever forget. That one part of those verses above that says "nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him" lingered around in my head once I walked out that gate with a clean foot. I was appalled with myself and the moments I selfishly wanted to not be bothered my little kids or people noticing my skin color and stalking me like a pack of wolves. I was appalled by this because I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, would have loved these children no matter the time of day they came to him, whether he felt like it or not, or whether it was convenient for him at the moment. He would have loved them wherever he met them, whenever he met them, and I knew in my heart that I wanted to love like the Lord does. Though I knew why I came to Niger, I realized it and held it a bit dearer to my heart after that morning. 

Needless to say, the Lord is good. And I am forever grateful for a Savior who can so much as stop me in my tracks to remind me that no day or hour even is anything without him and that I am always, always on mission for Him. <3

God intervening on the American dream.

Dear Church,


For a little over 3 years now your actions and teachings related to the Word have been ultimately destroying my life and I'm sure many lives of others like me... okay, let me explain.
I was raised mostly unchurched, by loving parents who were perfectly content with their lives. If I ever went to church, I slept, and it was okay. This worldly perspective that I grew up with allowed me to see the hypocrisy in the lives of the few churchgoing families I'd been exposed to. And as a younger teen, my goal was essentially to lead my life to the American dream--- I mean, it seemed like everyone was doing it and it was normal, so shouldn't I do the same? Well, this particular path I was planning to go down didn't take a detour for "church"... nor did I intend for or want it to. However, during my sophomore year of High School I found myself taking that unintended detour and sitting in a building surrounded by, for the most part, devout followers of Christ. Not long after, I became a believer in Christ but really had no idea what it was going to entail or what it really meant for my life. I knew there was a change of heart within me, but I didn't know what to do with it. Mainly because no one helped me much with understanding it, and for a long time I felt uncomfortable around fellow followers of Christ because I lacked biblical knowledge-- and honestly, still do sometimes. Thankfully God did some es-plainin on His own and through His word cause I didn't know much of anything and would have been doomed without Him :)
And then here I am now, 3 years and 9 months into my relationship with the Lord. And I think about how crazy it seems that at this very moment I am in Africa-- sitting across the table from two amazing people that I have been blessed to know who are living a radical and obedient life for the Lord. It's here I realize that I personally want this life-- very soon. I NEED to go to the ends of the earth to proclaim His name. Actually, I have been commanded to take the gospel to the nations, so I really have no excuse not to. Is this crazy? It sounds crazy when I read what I just typed. I have entrusted my entire life into the hands of a savior whom I cannot physically see... and I love it. Without Him my life just isn't right. It's like an addiction, and many of the people I know and love seem to constantly encourage this addiction of mine... probably because they have it to.
3 years ago I never anticipated even contemplating the idea of living a radical life, or any sort of life with the Lord. And honestly, even a little over a year ago I didn't consider that God may want to send me elsewhere. I guess I didn't consider that as a follower of Christ, God may want to actually use my hands and my feet to bring His word to other parts of the world. I wanted to live in America then-- with conveniences and all. Now, I absolutely do not. I have no desire to live where life is so abundant with materialistic things while all over the world people are dying of disease and desolation and without Christ. However, in the midst of the disease and desolation is where I want to be... because there is where I see Jesus most. And it's there I feel He wants me. I am still appauled by how much God has changed my life and leading me to do things that seem insane, even to me at times. But I would never, ever change it.
So, Church, you have very much been destroying my me-centered, American dream life-- especially in the past year.... and in place of it, feeding me the reality of Jesus Christ and what a life with Him actually entails. I cannot thank you enough for this. Without it I would be on my way to a very pseudo-Christian life. I pray that every believer in this world will realize, if they haven't already, that this life is nothing unless we are on mission for Him. There is nothing we should want more than to see those who are lost come to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
 Amazing things happen when God's people come together to make His name known all over the world. It'll be a long, challenging process... because making disciples is not easy or convenient. It is hard, messy, and demanding all because it is relational. But oh... it is beautiful.


Love,
Kayla

Someone worth losing everything for.

Sometimes I wonder why in the world I am here, in Niger, yet again. I could easily be in America where my family and friends are and where everything is convenient, but apparently God didn't want that for me this summer... and honestly, neither did I.
Okay, so last week I was taking a taxi and got this man (I think I mentioned this particular taxi ride in my previous blog post) who just apparently wanted to talk to me alot... but understanding him and being able to talk back wasn't working out so well. He was laughing at me for whatever reasons, and eventually I managed to figure out that he was trying to ask me where he was taking me. Though I had already told him before I got in his stinkin taxi... but he said (at the best of my understanding) "how can I take you somewhere if you don't even know where you're going." I started to get a bit frustrated because I knew where I needed to go and I knew he knew where I was going as well. Well we ended up taking this "explore all of Niger" detour before I actually ended up where I needed to be--- at CURE. I wasn't really aware at first that taxis frequently make detours when other passangers are in the general direction the taxi man is going, so everyone is basically just along for the ride-- wherever that may be. But to be honest, I kinda got a little nervous with this driver. I'm sure he wasn't trying to be a complete rude pants, but seriously. I mean everytime I get in one of these fun bumper cars of sorts I just hope they take me wherever I ask. I wouldn't have the slightest clue (or maybe a very slight clue) if they decided to take me somewhere else... unless I ended up in the bush of course... but I couldn't talk to them so I'd be a rather easy hostage.. haha!

I've been reading "Radical" by David Platt and WOW! I've read parts of it before but what an eyeopener it is. I have been so convicted by what God has been showing me through this book and my "safety" is one of those eye opening type of things. I know we've all been in a place where we pray for our safety as we travel, that we would be okay and get to and from where we need to go just safe and sound.I have done this so many times... and then I come to the realization that life is not safe and a life with Christ is not safe... I am not called to be safe and comfortable in this lost world, but rather to love and share Gods love to those of whom I come in contact with every single day. So, to me, that doesn't mean that the places I go and the things I may do here, or anywhere else in the world, are intended to be safe... because I am called to be His servant at ALL costs-- whatever that entails.That day in the taxi when I got a little bit uncomfortable made me realize God is in control of my time here in Niger and is with me even in the littlest of my situations. Not that I really understand why the God of the universe who's busy, ya know... running the entire world... would take time out for little ole me... but I am extremely grateful that He does :)

As I was reading radical yesterday I had to question myself "Is God something worth losing everything for?" And as easy of an answer that was for me, I wonder if my life shows the same as what my mouth says. At home, in the land of everything, I have much more than I need. And I wonder, would I seriously drop it all in a split second if God said "go"? I know I would when it is just for a summer (like now), but would I kiss it all good-bye if I was being lead somewhere else permanantly? I don't know... and sadly I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could with confidence say "yes I would have no problem being obedient"... but I think I'd be hesitant. As much as I hate that, it's the truth but I can't stand it. Now, I'm not saying God is calling me to go live in the African bush right now, but just the thought that one day he might kinda freaks me out. I guess it's because I'm here in Niger and I just kinda don't wanna leave... I love being here. After I left last year I missed it more than ever... more than I miss home while I'm here. But at the same time, as much as I love being here and don't want to leave I wonder how differently I'd feel if I didn't have a plane ticket sitting in my bag in my room right down the hall that confirms my arrival back to the states... hmm. I admire all the people who have taken up their cross and followed the Lord in complete obedience in order to serve Him here... they are all an inspiration in my life. And I pray that I would be freely open to everything that comes my way in hopes of bringing glory to Him through it. I hope that if a time comes in my life where God is calling me permanently to serve somewhere, I just go. It's alot easier said than done, but it is possible... obviously.
Anyways, I am loving my time here in Niger--- though it's not always easy to be here I wouldn't want to be anywhere else :) I just kinda word up-chucked on my blog to get out my recent thoughts. Maybe not a post that is put together as well as some but eh, it's a blog... so it's whatever :)

Dear Africa.

Well, I have been away from my American-ized life for 5 days now. Aside from sweating to death, being sick for 2 days, and sweating more... things have been amazing! There is so much to cover about the last few days... hmm, I'll try my best!

This one may be my favorite so far because it's been the most adventurous-- TAXIS! Niger taxis to be precise. They are far from a taxi you may find in the states, I guess that's expected, but they have made for many fun-filled mornings! Like today, riding in a taxi... basically all I can do is greet people and tell them where I want to go, because I am lacking in my foreign language knowledge! Anyways, I had some interesting drivers today, like one guy who spoke a little bit of english--- you better believe I talked his ear off as much as I could (as much as he could understand) in the time we were driving since I don't usually get to talk to my taxi drivers! :) Then one guy who was listening to some very crude American music. And yet another guy who kept calling me "white person" (in some language I'm not sure of) and asking me questions that I couldn't answer! Pretty much anything goes for taxis---including chickens, goats, raw meat, whatever wants a ride can have a ride I suppose! Thankfully I haven't gotten any of these lovely creatures next to me yet :)

I have been going to CURE hospital in the mornings as well (which is the reason I have to take taxis). I absolutely love it! Seeing as I'd like to be a nurse, having hands on experience and having an opportunity to be part of CURE is amazing. I have been so blessed by such sweet people there... the kids especially. Their spirits, though they are hurting physically, are bright and bubbly! The past couple days I have been working with kids who have club foot--There is a physical therapist there who I have had the pleasure of assisting. God is really at work in the place! There is an amazing staff who genuinely love the Lord and love what they do which results in a beautiful outcome for the patients and their stay at CURE.

--- Okay, so maybe I'm not going to cover as much as I wanted tonight--- It's only 10 but I am SO tired and going to bed pretty soon. I feel very blessed that God has given me the opportunity to serve Him here again! I love these people and this place and would't trade it for anything :) I am also honored to be staying with the Riggs. Though they may not realize it, they are constantly teaching me something. Whether it's learning how to live like and love Christ more each day to gaining knowledgle on some serious parenting skills (which I have come to the conclusion that I could not be a mother anytime soon in my life. ha! :) ), or learning how to start a generator at 630 in the morning--- on the third attempt (compliments to my lame self for that :) oops..) I am just SO thankful for them and the blessing they are in my life! :)

Anywho... that's all the news for now I guess... to bed I go :)

Love and Grace.

This past week has be an absolute mess. You know when you're getting ready to do something and then everything goes wrong? Well, that has been my life since Monday. This whole preparation for Niger had been going surprisingly easy up until this week... A week before I leave, of course. I'll just give a brief synopsis of my hectic week... note that God was gracious through every trial. :)

Monday: I was an hour late to my 8am final--- the result of pulling an all-nighter. But was blessed with a gracious professor who allowed me to go ahead and take my final-- Thanks God.

Tuesday: Found a lovely scrap, dent, ding... etc on the front of my car from someone backing into it. It's times like this where I am grateful for an older car that is paid off :)

Wednesday: nothing happened really... I guess satan gave me a day off from completely annoying me. ha!

Thursday: I was happily informed, via my online flight itinerary, that my flight had been cancelled and moved forward a whole day and a half. God so awesomely provided though--- after i was done freaking out :) May not be the most enjoyable travel but I'll get there.. and I'm sure God will give me some great ministry opportunities :)

Friday: Walked outside after leaving the mall to find my side-view mirror dangling on the side of the car... it's still hanging out there too! :) lol... oh well.


So... yeah, my week rocked. Through all of this my God has been loving and gracious! I was hard-pressed with these trials of mine and didn't quite handle them well, but now realize how simple they were to deal with once I just let God deal with it accordingly. I think that's usually how that always works... :)

Anywho... I am SO excited to be leaving on Tuesday!!  Bags are packed and I am ready to go! Cannot wait to see everyone and get some much needed hugs from my 2nd family in Africa :)

I'm mortal and there's nothing I can do about it.

I haven't posted recently, but I have had a bit on my heart lately, and through prayer, thought and scripture readings this is what I have come to reality on...so just sharing my recent thinking:


 In the book of Isaiah we find this constant refrain of everything being about the Glory of God. However, the problem with that is that we love that, but few of us have any understanding of what that actually means. "ohh, for the Glory of God, yeah" "Oh, it's glory!" <--This is church life. Big words that we can't define.
The definition of glory is really just simply this... weight. So when it says that all Glory is Gods, the scriptures are teaching that HE is ultimate reality. He is more important and more powerful than anything else, regardless of what that thing is. Here's reality though... most of us, I have been here before, know God as a concept. And when we know God as just a concept we are heavier than Him and he is lighter than us. And if we get to this point where we don't understand His weight on our lives we can twist and contourt Him to be whatever we want Him to be. See, when He's a concept and not a reality how we live our lives doesn't change. When He's a concept and not reality, how we handle out neighbors doesn't change. How we handle our finances doesn't change. How we handle situations doesn't change...when He's a concept. But when He is a reality, it changes everything. When He becaomes a reality we are undone.


One day, the fact that I can't love on my sweet babies in Africa won't mean anything, because I won't need to anymore. One day, everything in my bank account will be somebody elses. One day, everyone whom I know and love now will not be there. But here's what's not changing, God has extended His mercy and grace to me through Jesus Christ. I am an adopted daughter into the kingdom. He took every shortcoming, every failure, every screw-up...past, present, and future. And did this for no other reason except that He is merciful. He took alll of this and put it on Jesus Christ, so that when he sees me at my worst, to this day he sees me as lovely, as an adopted daughter. So, if I were to die young, then I just get that much more of Him forever. I want my identity to be in Jesus Christ, not the things He sends me to do for Him. A big and important part of my life is Africa, my heart longs for this place God has sent me to once and is sending me to again. But, my identity is not in the ministry God has sent me to in Niger, because one day I will not go there anymore. I don't want to be wrapped up in the ability to communicate with and serve in Niger... do I love it, yes. Does it define me, no. Cause it is not eternal, it is temporary, and there's nothing I can do about it because I am mortal.
We are in a broken, and fallen world. But it is the weight of the Glory of God that says even in this God is good. Even in this, I will praise His name. And it's only the reality of God that sustains that... not the concept of God. For anytime someone bails on the faith and says "I don't believe that anymore"... what actually happens is that they never believed it. They believe a concept of it but did not understand the reality of it.
This world and our culture will eat us alive if we don't find our identity in the reality of Jesus Christ. I mean, here in Dallas we having nothing to gaze upon, there are no mountains, or oceans or really anything specatular... all we have is us.  So what we do is gaze upon us. And this entire culture is about external beauty and showing what we have and it will destroy us if we don't know the weight of His Glory. So basically what the scriptures would say is this.. if you put your identity in external beauty, money, the car you drive or house you live in, or in another person then all of that will betray you because it cannot sustain you. Only the Glory of God can sustain us.


I feel like I just word vomitted onto my blog. ha... but I say all of this because It has been a real personal conviction of mine with the Lord that I follow His every command. Not to do things that I want to in order to hopefully bring Him Glory through it, but that glory would be brought to Him, by Him, through whatever He wants me to do for Him. All in His chosing and timing, not mine. I just want to live being the hands and feet of Jesus Christ wherever I am because eventually all of this, the life I live, will not matter anymore because I am mortal and will die. Gee, what a concept? But the thing is, I, we, never know when God is going to call us home, so unless I am living on constant mission for Him, I am not living.

These next couple of weeks are about to fly by and then before I know it I will be on a plane on my way to Niger. I'm not quite sure it's actually set in with me yet that I am leaving this American home of mine in just 2 short weeks. But I am more than excited for this journey God has in store! Finals are about to take off starting this week and then I will have 4 the following week! Busy little life of mine...

This past week has been a bit interesting, to say the least. Conviction and trials have been everwhere... As I sit here on my computer in my comfty little bed with my iphone next to me and a kitchen full of food just a few steps away I begin to think about the place God is sending me to very soon. And it hits me, as it always does, that this "normal" life of mine is constantly taken for granted. I find myself feeling guilty for having so much and never having to know what being hungry is like or what it's like living without clean clothes or shoes on my feet, because I have all of that... and more... and living this life brings conviction. And when this conviction and burdening of my heart overwhelms me I want to just drop it all. Sell everything I have and give it away... then pack up my bags and go to a place that has nothing. I love the idea of leaving my American home permanantly for a much different life. But as much as I love that idea, I have to come back to the fact that it's not God's plan right now. I honestly wish it was because, to me, it is so much easier to live a necessity based life being in a place that ultimately has nothing than living here where everything is at my fingertips. But of course, God reminds me that living life for Him, no matter where in the world, is not going to be easy. Let's just say that I am ready to be in Niger where I get to live a much simpler life for a couple of months. I'm so ready to love on sweet babies who really do have nothing... and not just physical needs but nothing in regards to Christ. These sweet children, women, and men who are lost and believing in something that will never save them are in serious need of a Savior! God is so just so good and I cannot wait to see all that He is doing in Niger. :)